The inner mind (of me)

I am mad at everything. I mean every morning I wake up and feel like I’m about to burst because I have to pee so bad. Today it woke me up an hour and a half before my alarm , now I can’t get back to sleep. I hate that sometimes in life I have to make mistakes in order to learn. I hate figuring out how to make time to do really important stuff when I’m already so busy. It drives me crazy that I don’t have the upper body strength to lift heavy things for myself and I have to rely on someone to help me move things like a tv or an air conditioner … and on and on

I know I’m not usually negative but please understand… these are the types of negative thoughts I talk myself out of throughout everyday. It’s kinda like the yin and the yang of me – I wouldn’t be who I am without these thoughts – I usually keep them in my head and try to only let the positive ones out – but for blogs sake I figured I give some insight into the inner mind of me :).  

 

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Random Texts

“Still coming over tomorrow @1:30”

“I know you will do good. Don’t pick your lip”

“Jeez    one drink and you’re all Ms. Gabberson”

“You texted me a text that was blank :)”                                                            REPLY: “Deleting my calls     hit wrong key   so sue me”

“I just got back from the vet and put her down for a nap and now I’m being a bum considering eating Oreos for lunch”

“I won’t! Haha! And he does”

“And I have a confession” “I like the new Jusin Bieber song”                                REPLY: “That’s quite the confession!”

“Oh my goodness! Have you ever been to the mall?! Go in any door by the food court and walk down the main hall. You can’t miss it”                               REPLY: “OK jeez. I’m poor. Duh” “I try to stay away from places I can’t afford”

“She won’t be anywhere near Sniffers”

“Gotcha!!! April Fools!!!”

Mondays

Monday’s are what you make them. The first day after a full weekend. The beginning of another lucrative week…. more opportunities to engage in a fun activity with my child/children. I’ve kinda always seen them as a fresh start – a new beginning. I can remember thinking in high school about my grades, or a certain class in the aspect of weeks. “Last week – not so good, this week I will do better”. And even when I have a bad Monday I try not to mind because my old saying about things starting badly goes something like this “I don’t mind when a day (week/event/class/project etc) starts badly because then I got it out of the way early on and the rest will be better” …it’s something like that.

Anyways… Moral of this story is: I’ve never really minded Monday’s. Sorry Monday haters… 

(Oh and btw I’m also notorious for being a “morning person”)

 

Keep on keepin’ on

I wish I had more time to do things. Maybe if I wasn’t so insistent on getting enough sleep I would have more time. I just can’t seem to get caught up. Housework, play time, extra manicuring of the yard, blogging, organizing closets, catching up with friends – everything seems to be getting further and further behind.

Lord, please help me to find a healthy and happy balance between work and EVERYTHING else. 

I’m working so we can have a happy life – but sometimes I feel like I’m only working to pay bills… I just hope I’ll be able to look back on my life someday and be glad that I didn’t spend the whole thing working – I hope I see lots of fun times! Setting a goal! Accomplish memories!  

 

Once

There once was a girl with long red hair.
She was pretty short, and her skin was fair.

She lived a well directed, but crazy life.
She had never been anyone’s wife.

Her eyes were hazel with big, long lashes.  
When she closed those eyes… memories… in flashes.  

She was a good and true friend.  
Her love for her children had no end.

Church and music helped bring her through things.
But the support of loved ones gave her wings.  

She flew high above all the strife below.
Waiting for her time to move forward and glow.

  

Waiting

Waiting
Waiting for the joy to return.
Waiting for the fun. 
Waiting as a child waits for a holiday. 

Wanting 
Wanting normalcy.  
Wanting money. 
Wanting direction. 

Remembering
Remembering the not so bad times. 
Remembering to eat. 
Remembering to let go. 
Remembering to thank God. 

Something

Playing conversations in my head that will never happen.
Over thinking.
Missing, longing for … something.
But has it always been missing.
It’s more final now. Decisions made. Lines crossed.
Now the waiting. Waiting for normal. Waiting for … something.